I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
