Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
being pregnant is like rehab
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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