Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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