All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
