You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
