Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
