My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
