I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
