She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
