Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
