Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
