The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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