I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
