I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my sisters under your porch take her home
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
