Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
