U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
