I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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