Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
