walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
