All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
