she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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