I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
