she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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