idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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