i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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