I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was confusing and full of hummus
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
