I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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