i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
