hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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