So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
