Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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