Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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