We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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