Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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