Me. At least after what I've been through.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
