Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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