I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
