So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you made out with another girl for some wings
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
