Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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