I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
