i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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