He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
