dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
