how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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