Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
