My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
