you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
