Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
