I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
