She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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