Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
