So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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